So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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