i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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