wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
