he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
