you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
