hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
