Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
