So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
