just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
