Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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