I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
