Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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