We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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