Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
