So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
