My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
