So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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