I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
