can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
