The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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