I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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