I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have aggressive nipples.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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