So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
