Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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