I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
