next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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