i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
