There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
