I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
