do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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