her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
