when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pappa wants mamma naked
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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