And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
