I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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