i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
