That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
