Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
