Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
