i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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