she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
