I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
