Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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