why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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