cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
