that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
