If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
