her vagine was all disorganized.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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