i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
