just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
