A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
