I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
