He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
